Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
