When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
