1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Non-Jews are for practice
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
