Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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