Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
