I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
