Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
