i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
