Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
