How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
