have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize