I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
