I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
