dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
