Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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