I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
