I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
