just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
