I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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