I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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