Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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