Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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