he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
