True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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