Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
