What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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