I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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