giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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