I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
