It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
