I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
