i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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