Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are the jesus of drinking
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
