Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
