I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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