think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
