then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
