I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
