Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize