3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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