i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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