I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Are my feet made of real feet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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