My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
