dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
