I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
