my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
