Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
