he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
