the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
