Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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