This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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