I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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