I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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