my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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