But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
