Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
