I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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