I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
