maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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