i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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