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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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