We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
