i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
