just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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