There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Randomize
