When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
