She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
