The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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