yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize