Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
