you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
