My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
