Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
