I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
