our cab driver is having phone sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
