Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
