Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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