woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
