we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
