I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
