As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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